Flight to Napa So there I was, cavorting around Napa with people so versed in vino they were correcting the tour guide’s French. I was way out of my league. These weren’t just wine enthusiasts , these were wine fetishists, the kind of people who would send a bottle back, and not just because it’s empty. My confusion in their presence was topped only by...

My father is a scotch. If people were booze, my father would be a scotch. Unlike domestic dads, my father has a cool sipability to him. He is not a vodka, wanting to please everyone, or a gin, wanting to please no one, he is a scotch. You might mistake him for wine, as everyone gets along with him, but scotch has an edge that fits John Morrison best. Of all the alcohols, scotch cannot be rushed, and of all the dads, neither can my...

WHATS THE LAST THING YOU DRANK? Your approval. WHAT DO YOU DRINK ON STAGE WHILE DOING STAND-UP COMEDY? Well I’d like to drink a 30-year old single but I actually drink Pappy’s Bootshine Bourbon cause it’s what we get for free. Even when I have piles of cash I drink whatever swill they’re pouring cause it’s a matter of principle. WHAT’S THE FUNNIEST THING YOU EVER DRANK? Drank. It’s actually called… Drank....

Summer. Times Square. I had just finished a monster night of shows at Sweet Carolines and was lookin’ to mingle. Having long since finished the jack-and-cokes I got paid with, I convinced Anthony, the venue’s plump owner, to let me make my own. We all called Anthony the Beaver, cause he looked like one. Given the rare opportunity to Ben-size my beverages I quickly made two Jack-with-a-splash-of-Coke’s and drank them...

FUNNY PEOPLE’S PUB I suppose I should start by saying that I wasn’t planning on becoming a stand-up comedian. I was going to theater school and got real drunk one night and apparently booked a gig. I guess I was sitting next to the booker for a comedy club, and although I don’t remember how, I talked my way into stage-time before passing out in the bathroom. You think you do weird things when you’re drunk. ACT 1 –...